"You have not quite understood," she said. "I did not come to quarrel with
you, though I do not like you. I came to speak to you as... as one human being
to another. I came with my mind made up as to what I had to say to you, and I
shall not change my intention, although you may misunderstand me. So much the
worse for you, not for myself! I wished to reply to all you have written to me
and to reply personally, because I think that is the more convenient way. Listen
to my reply to all your letters. I began to be sorry for Prince Lef
Nicolaievitch on the very day I made his acquaintance, and when I
heard--afterwards--of all that took place at your house in the evening, I was
sorry for him because he was such a simple-minded man, and because he, in the
simplicity of his soul, believed that he could be happy with a woman of your
character. What I feared actually took place; you could not love him, you
tortured him, and threw him over. You could not love him because you are too
proud--no, not proud, that is an error; because you are too vain--no, not quite
that either; too self-loving; you are self-loving to madness. Your letters to me
are a proof of it. You could not love so simple a soul as his, and perhaps in
your heart you despised him and laughed at him. All you could love was your
shame and the perpetual thought that you were disgraced and insulted. If you
were less shameful, or had no cause at all for shame, you would be still more
unhappy than you are now.
Aglaya brought out these thronging words with great satisfaction. They came
from her lips hurriedly and impetuously, and had been prepared and thought out
long ago, even before she had ever dreamed of the present meeting. She watched
with eagerness the effect of her speech as shown in Nastasia's face, which was
distorted with agitation.
"You remember," she continued, "he wrote me a letter at that time; he says
you know all about that letter and that you even read it. I understand all by
means of this letter, and understand it correctly. He has since confirmed it all
to me--what I now say to you, word for word. After receiving his letter I
waited; I guessed that you would soon come back here, because you could never do
without Petersburg; you are still too young and lovely for the provinces.
However, this is not my own idea," she added, blushing dreadfully; and from this
moment the colour never left her cheeks to the end of her speech. When I next
saw the prince I began to feel terribly pained and hurt on his account. Do not
laugh; if you laugh you are unworthy of understanding what I say."
"However, it's all the same to me; laugh or not, just as you please. When I
asked him about you, he told me that he had long since ceased to love you, that
the very recollection of you was a torture to him, but that he was sorry for
you; and that when he thought of you his heart was pierced. I ought to tell you
that I never in my life met a man anything like him for noble simplicity of mind
and for boundless trustfulness. I guessed that anyone who liked could deceive
him, and that he would immediately forgive anyone who did deceive him; and it
was for this that I grew to love him--"
Aglaya paused for a moment, as though suddenly brought up in astonishment
that she could have said these words, but at the same time a great pride shone
in her eyes, like a defiant assertion that it would not matter to her if "this
woman" laughed in her face for the admission just made.
"I wished to find out from you," she said, firmly, "by what right you dare to
meddle with his feelings for me? By what right you dared send me those letters?
By what right do you continually remind both me and him that you love him, after
you yourself threw him over and ran away from him in so insulting and shameful a
way?"
"I never told either him or you that I loved him!" replied Nastasia
Philipovna, with an effort. "And--and I did run away from him--you are right
there," she added, scarcely audibly.
"Never told either him or me?" cried Aglaya. "How about your letters? Who
asked you to try to persuade me to marry him? Was not that a declaration from
you? Why do you force yourself upon us in this way? I confess I thought at first
that you were anxious to arouse an aversion for him in my heart by your
meddling, in order that I might give him up; and it was only afterwards that I
guessed the truth. You imagined that you were doing an heroic action! How could
you spare any love for him, when you love your own vanity to such an extent? Why
could you not simply go away from here, instead of writing me those absurd
letters? Why do you not NOW marry that generous man who loves you, and has done
you the honour of offering you his hand? It is plain enough why; if you marry
Rogojin you lose your grievance; you will have nothing more to complain of. You
will be receiving too much honour. Evgenie Pavlovitch was saying the other day
that you had read too many poems and are too well educated for--your position;
and that you live in idleness. Add to this your vanity, and, there you have
reason enough--"
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